Thoughtful. adj. 1. Absorbed in or involving thought. 2. Showing consideration for the needs of other people. 3. Showing careful consideration or attention.
“You think too much!” “Gosh, you’re always on. Do you ever turn off?” “Have you tried relaxing?” Or my personal favorite while working through my umpteenth existential crisis for the year “I really don’t think it’s a big deal.” First of all, yes it is. To me. Second of all, if I had a dollar for every time I’d been told one of those things, I could have paid for at least one credit at my exhorbitantly priced law school up front.
I accepted these lighthearted (ha!) comments as part of my life. Something was clearly wrong with me. But I didn’t think there was anything wrong with that. I was special and this was just part of the package — “Flaws and All“. I was a tortured soul, but there was as much bliss as distress. Teetering between darkness and light I was creating something that almost looked like balance.
In hindsight I definitely should have learned to relax earlier in life. My “thoughtfulness” turned into full blown anxiety. When I started having anxiety attacks about how I would fail (at life!) if I didn’t have my anxiety to motivate me I should have known something was not right. I forgot that I hadn’t been particularly anxious as a child — although kind of shy and very careful. I had been motivated by a thirst for knowledge and a clear sense of my own potential. Twenty-twenty.