Some time ago, I came across an article about how codependency might be ruining your finances. Although I had known for some time that my relationship with a close relative (they are the dependent and I am the codependent) was unhealthy and part of this was manifested via money, I didn’t really see it as further evidence of how codependent we were until I read this article.
I definitely struggled with everything listed in that article. But I didn’t realize codependency was affecting my finances in another important way: I have repeatedly allowed this codependent relationship to stunt my professional growth.
Codependency and My Career
When I should have been thinking about how to get ahead at work I was thinking about whether I should send money or co-sign a lease for a relative. Hours and hours during the workday devoted to this instead of to doing my job.
When I went home rather than taking care of myself and tending to my needs as an HSP, I was stressing my body out even more, binging on chocolate and TV and staying up past my bedtime until I made myself sick over and over again.
I spent money I didn’t have and made professional decisions based on my “responsibility” to take care of her. I took a job at a big law firm in D.C. because I felt that I needed to make enough money so that I could afford to support this relative for the rest of my life. I viewed this as inevitable.
As much as I hated that job, I hated myself more for taking it in the first place. Part of me knew that what I was doing wasn’t rational or fair to myself. I hid the financial support I provided from other relatives so that no one would judge me for being such a doormat. Continue reading